Rise of Independent Pups: Lone Wolves in the Modern Kink Scene

Give Me a Bone, Ploise, You Are Adding to My Stress Levels

I think we can all agree that, just like their animal counterparts, pups are one of the most universally beloved subsets of the kink community.Affectionate, loyal, playful, primal, with just the right dash of mischief.Pups are usually considered one half of an equation with their handler, master, dom, etc.That one cannot be without the other.But, particularly in more recent years, you might have heard the occasional pup describe themself as a “lone wolf” or “uncollared”.You might have seen them in kink spaces walking around with an unlocked, open padlock on their chest.‘What be this?!’, you may ask as you clutch your pearls necklace.Well, let’s dive into what being a pup actually is by first stating that, like many other kink experiences, it means different things to different people.Pups around the world engage in various degrees of loyalty, devotion, gender, expression, identity and sexuality.Some pups indulge in the headspace occasionally in sex, some treat it as a character that they jump in and out of in appropriate settings, and some live the lifestyle all day every day.

But for a lot of pups, myself included, pupdom (puphood?) is about exploring the concept of submission in a more playful, mischievous, less strict way than a traditionally structured dominant / submissive arrangement.I myself had explored relationships with doms, Sirs, and daddies when I first entered the kink community, with varying degrees of structure and strictness.Though I treasured those experiences, I eventually decided it wasn’t quite for me.Then one night during a particularly good sexing, someone scratched my ear and called me ‘pup’, and every synapse and nerve ending in my body exploded with smutty delight! I eventually asked around and explored what being a pup was, and I had my own little Dorothy-Munchkinland moment when I learned that this might be what I had been looking for all along.

The typical markers of a pup are a neoprene or leather hood shaped like a dog’s head (or stylish masks available at Eagle Leather!), a collar or necklace with their name tag attached, and any number of other accessories, including dog mitts, knee pads, harnesses and puppy tails, usually a butt plug. Woof indeed!

Handler, Can You Hear Me?

The other side of a pup relationship can be called a handler, a master, a dom, a daddy, but for this article, we’ll use the most common term of ‘handler’.This is the person who assumes the more dominant role of the relationship, usually older with considerably more experience in kink.Again, experiences and expectations differ wildly, but a handler is usually expected to care for and protect a pup, dole out punishment and discipline when necessary, and provide a strong example as a role model.A certain degree of loyalty and devotion is, of course, expected in return.

Pups also have the luxury of enjoying a potential expanded family when they don the metaphorical hood.Wolves and familial alpha, beta and omega pups may join the ‘pack’ and provide an even greater sense of community and intimacy.But that’s way too delightfully convoluted to get into here – look for our other posts on pups to find out more!

Can the Dogs, In Fact, Let Themselves Out?

At this point, you may be asking: how can one function as a pup without a handler? Doesn’t that defeat the purpose of being a pup in the first place?

Why no, you gatekeeping son of a not at all! Lone wolf pups are simply, as the name suggests, pups who function in the kink community and identify in that part of it without a handler. We still practice loyalty, affection, devotion, submission – just not to one particular person.I’m sure there’s something to be said about the equivalence of polyamory and evolved sexuality with this, but I can’t be both pretty and academic.

There are those of the opinion that you are not a “true pup” without a handler, or if you pick your own pup name, or if you don’t wear monikers such as hoods or chain-link jewelry.Thankfully, these opinions seem to be the minority.Lone wolf pups may have had handlers in the past, and either had a negative experience or decided it just wasn’t for them.Or maybe they’re “in between” handlers and doing a Julia Roberts Eat Pray Love thing, but with head pats.There are those who enjoy being part of an aforementioned pack with other pups, but who don’t answer to an authority figure and prefer to just enjoy their lives together.The fun, affectionate, playful experience of puphood is not validated nor negated by the presence of a handler.

The Pillars of Puphood

• receiving and giving physical affection
• embracing and being embraced in a worldwide community
• being cheeky, mischievous and playful in a way that makes others happy
• (for male-identifying pups) experiencing masculinity and brotherhood in an affirming, positive way
• showing fierce loyalty to those you truly care about
• and, of course, being told you're a ✨good puppy✨ at every opportunity

These values show how empowering, self-deterministic, and personally fulfilling it can be to be a pup, and why it’s an important part of some peoples’ identity.Handlers, doms, daddies, they all provide a valuable, irreplaceable experience for pups.Their protection, love, and discipline are vital for the development and safety of those in their care, and their hard work should be valued and appreciated at every opportunity.But it is equally important to recognise that there are those of us who experience every happiness that puphood can offer us without ticking that particular box.And appreciating others’ experiences can only make our collective experience that much more rewarding!

Blog image photography by Carlos Mantilla and Steve Scalone.