Melbourne BDSM: Importance of the Leather Bars
- By Gerardo Aguilar Jr and David McKenzie
- 14 Apr 2022
Leather bars first developed out of a need for gay men to have safe places to meet, surrounded by our community - our ‘people’. The gay leather scene was started in the USA, by gay soldiers returning home after WWII. The leather culture they created enabled them to continue their masculine bonding rituals, leather wearing, and S&M practices. It is believed during the 1950s ex-military men formed motorcycle clubs as a cover for their gay/leather/bdsm activities—and as a rebuke to society's view that all gay men were effeminate. Over time it has evolved to be more inclusive of people with various interests in leather.
The Laird, Melbourne’s foremost leather venue, provides a safe space for Leathermen to embrace the leather culture. Leather wearing tells others who we are, in both our queer identity and sexual proclivities. Safe spaces, like The Laird, offer the opportunity to explore and practice Leather kink within a community of like-minded people. The leather nights at The Laird also provide a chance for newbies, the shy, and the curious to see what leather is about, and test the waters. Without spaces like this, where would people go to release their inner kink?
A mission and a pair of Leather pants.
In October 2019 I was excited to move to Melbourne to be with my partner. Great timing, huh? Bushfires, mud rain, and that little thing called the Global Pandemic.
Despite this, I was eager to experience the diverse opportunities Melbourne had to offer, opportunities that were not available in Texas or other places I’ve lived. There are very few leather bars in Texas which made it harder for me to explore my leather identity. This led to further internalized shame of my sexual desires. Basically, I had no opportunities in Texas to discover an important part of myself, so I felt I had to keep it hidden.
Therefore, my mission in Melbourne was to find friends - a family of my own.I knew the best place to start would be Spit and Polish night at The Laird. I knew about Spit and Polish when I visited The Laird as a tourist and knew this was something I wanted to explore.Then we went into lockdown - mission aborted!
Like many people, my mental health suffered during lockdown. I had just relocated to a new country, I had no friends, no social outlets, and was concerned about my American family as the virus ran rampant across the USA. Once lockdown ended, I was impatient to explore the leather community and make friends - mission restored!
My expectations were blown away! The people I met welcomed me with no hesitation. By attending Spit and Polish I was able to make real connections - mission accomplished!
As a member of the Melbourne Leather community, I feel a freedom to express my sexual identity I have never felt before. I can talk about glory holes, gang bangs, and the myriad of sexual pleasures we enjoy as gay men. I am uninhibited in exploring my existing kinks (like fisting), playing around with new kinks (like BDSM), and connecting on a deeper level with others, even if their sexual interests are different to mine.
One of the most important things I’ve learned about the Melbourne kink scene is that people who are into leather (and rubber) aren’t always vanilla: their sexual appetites are far-ranging. Chances are there’s someone out there in the kink community willing to explore my sexual interests with me - or with you!
With great Leather comes great responsibility.
Becoming a member of the Melbourne Leather scene did more than give me opportunities to explore my personal desires. The acceptance I experienced highlighted my own judgments: I used to criticise other people’s kinks. I now actively support others to explore their own sexual cravings and personal ambitions. Melbourne’s kink community has made me a better person, more sympathetic and empathetic to those around me.
The leather scene, and safe leather spaces, have allowed me to become the person I want to be, outside the corporate white-collar environment I came from. I am no longer pigeon-holed, and I can explore the kink that attracts me. The ability to explore also boosts my confidence outside of the Leather scene.Leather gives me the confidence to be the man I strive to be.
As Larry Townsend says in The Leatherman’s Handbook: "The fluffy friends, those who will judge and criticise, will further bolster the negative perceptions.The friends you make in the kink community will understand you, support you, and encourage you, without judgment. This is the opportunity to meet your true family."
Leather is thicker than water
When I came out to my family the immediate reaction was ‘Don’t tell dad’. When my dad found out I was gay his response was ‘Who got to you! You never thought this way before!’. One of the most hurtful things he did was asking my mom to choose between him and her son. I didn’t give mom the option; who wants to put their parents through that choice? I left. It has taken time to heal, reflect, and move forward.Because of my ‘new family’ teaching me to be more sympathetic and empathetic it has allowed me to forgive, drop my judgements, and form a better relationship with my ‘old family’.
Unfortunately, there are many people out there with similar family experiences, which cause unwarranted struggles with our true identity.The ‘old family’ that was supposed to support you, doesn’t.
Family has always been a complex construct within the queer community. Western society at large is built on the idea that traditional birth families are the apex of the social ladder. Various barriers can impact the connection queers have to their traditional families. Distance (living overseas), degrees of acceptance (from self or others), and kink interests are just a few we have touched on in this blog.
My new family, my leather family, contains a wonderful mix of people, with a rich diversity of experiences, viewpoints, and knowledge that is constructively shared.This to me, is what family should be.
While becoming an adult is never fun, it gives us the power to form a new family.We can create something that fits us, just right. My new family grew from Leather nights at The Laird, into Leather dinners, and then into new opportunities to develop new talents.
David and I met at Spit and Polish (thanks Brett!) and a connection was made. David hadn’t explored the leather scene before, and I was able to give him the support and opportunities to make that happen. He now owns the beginnings of his own leather wardrobe! As a writer, David gave me the opportunity to develop talents and opportunities in writing - something I never would have dreamed I would be doing. This is the beginnings of my ‘found’ family.
So next Thursday night, instead of staying in, borrow some leather and head to Spit and Polish at The Laird (don’t have any leather? Throw on a black shirt and jeans! This will still get you into the front bar and courtyard). You never know who you’ll meat!
Blog images courtesy of Karlo Martinez curated by Carlos Mantilla. Main Photo by writers David & Gerardo.
Gerardo “Jerry” Aguilar Jr. left his American corporate sales life and relocated to Melbourne to start his life with his partner Nick.Jerry was able to start his own business during Melbourne’s endless lockdowns, discover new talents, and will be starting a PhD in bioremediation using mushrooms.You can find Jerry at the Laird on Thursday nights enjoying the company and energy of those around him.
David McKenzie is a queer writer and social worker based in Melbourne. David completed his first novel during lockdown, and is currently working on a film script (Enough) and his second novel (My heart is broken but the condom's ok). David frequents the Laird Hotel for their leather and bear events.
